Marvel: A Lazy-Ass Superman

”Where was the military? We waited half an hour and not one jet showed up. Go ask the soldiers who were there—see if a squad of infantry could capture a starship. We’re mutants, not gods!

”In any case, without a pardon, I’d rather Jean stay hidden, safe. Because you and I both know—whether it’s a mutant control facility or even the X-Men—keeping her under your watch is just another kind of prison.

”At least this way, I can help her live as a person, not rot in a lab as a test subject or waste away in a cell.”

Nick Fury had resources enough to find Jean Grey if he truly wanted. The question was: how to bring her in?

Having Charles Xavier persuade his surrogate daughter was the easiest option.

If force was used... a mutant who could go toe-to-toe with a starship? Fury had no solution. Even his Howling Commandos might not be enough.

But negotiations always followed the same pattern: start with an impossible demand, then offer a compromise that seemed reasonable by comparison.

So Fury shifted gears. ”Fine. Then what about the other one—the clown? Who is he, and where is he?”

At that, the man who had stayed silent—Magneto, Erik Lensherr—finally spoke, his voice laced with disgust.

”That lunatic? He’s like a grenade with the pin pulled and the safety lever released.

”You know it’s going to blow. All you can do is hurl it as far away as possible before it takes you down with it. Trust me—you do not want to keep him in your hand.

”Of course, I wouldn’t mind that grenade going off inside your precious ’Strategic Hazard’ agency. I’d even enjoy the show. But don’t think we care where he is. Go check the asylums—you’ll find plenty like him there.”

Fury slid a photo onto the table. ”Is this the clown?”

The photo showed a Hollywood prodigy—youngest-ever Best Actor at Venice—River Phoenix.

Professor Xavier frowned. ”And how exactly did you arrive at that conclusion?”

”My analysts reconstructed his facial features from limited surveillance footage, stripping away the paint and grease, rebuilding the contours. This is what they came up with. Is it him?”

No one had considered that the Kryptonian could reshape his features by controlling his facial muscles. So the reconstruction turned into someone else’s face. Xavier, who had seen Henry’s true appearance, never thought his painted disguise could be an entirely different visage.

For reasons of his own, Xavier decided to keep the young man’s secret. The X-Men weren’t obligated to share intelligence with the U.S. government anyway. And after all, it was the military’s blunders that had escalated things against Magneto.

Whenever Washington intervened, good people tended to get pushed toward extremism.

So Xavier shook his head. ”I don’t know. Verify it yourselves.”

Fury pressed, ”Then why did he help you?”

”Maybe he’s just a passing good Samaritan,” Xavier deflected.

Magneto snorted and added, ”Or maybe he’s just insane. And insanity—by definition—cannot be predicted, can it?”

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